a miniscule dot
in an infinite matrix;
to all the other dots,
to all the other loves.
i can’t win.
when i’m inside them
they feel huge, like surround-sound,
like a canyon, like the hand of god.
and i am tiny and grateful.
i forget that
else outside of
i knock up against each point
in search of myself, my shifting
shape; like a blues echo they
triangulate, answer back:
agony, anchor, dot, ending, graph, heartbreak, infinity, love, matrix, poetry, point, space, starting over, writing
to feel your thorns, run
my tongue up, down, over their peak,
let them cut me deep, make me weak,
make me bleed for you, seep into your
hungry mouth; i want to feel you come
apart when you taste me, take me
under, tear me open-asunder with
want and wait and need. i want
you greedy for only me, for my
teeth against your throat, my
adorned desire on its knees.
blood, desire, erotica, feel, greed, longing, need, poetry, sex, taste, thorns, vampire, want, writing
wrap your self in
your own narrative,
in your own sweet & terrible
story that only you can
weave. others will try
to tell it for you:
you must shut them
up with your own
glory. do not be afraid
of the way you shimmer
& shine when you climb
to the top of that finite hill.
you worked so hard to
get up & out of the valley.
you were the only one there
to see the true darkness;
others tried to care
but could not enter.
when you came out
you were a new being,
at times you still feel like a fraud,
like an imposter in this world,
like you are trying to win a
race you have already won.
the real frauds are the ones
trying to take your voice.
stand tall on the sun-soaked
cliff and tell your story—all
of it—even if no one is
every one is listening.
Art by Olivia Santiago
First line and some concepts shared by Barbara McNamee Moody
anxiety, coping, death, depression, despair, glory, life, pain, poetry, story, suicide, survival, triumph, writing
the moon used to wake her, stir her into words,
into other worlds, for a brief hallowed glimpse.
ever since the crisis she’s begun to lose memories,
moments, milestones sucked away under the bridge;
the eclectic shock seeping into the ridges of her mind,
numbing loves, surviving madness, stealing time.
she’s just a breath away from the mine, the ledge, the
lightning cell, the need to fall hard & fast down the well.
addiction, blocked, crisis, death, forgotten, madness, memories, need, poetry, suicide, survival, tragedy, trauma, writing
calendars & clocks
tides & aftershocks
icarus taking the sun for a walk
talismans of tenacity
keys to the magic city
atlantis meets narnia meets goldilocks
entire blocks of memory lost
to the flood of mercury
but the strangest little details come calling
come crawling out of the night
reasons to knife the page
everything starts sounding the same
the same the same the same
burn, icarus, kill, memory, mercury, messenger, night, poetry, retrograde, same, space, sun, writing
looking for something
to pour into, to feel through,
to let glide down the sides
like molten gold, like a woman’s
touch, like a moon-lit hot spring.
it all starts with the missing:
the void that needs to be filled,
that sucks in something i can give;
something i can take;
something i can sustain
for a time.
these borrowed hands,
heart, mouth, mind—strong
in their making—leave me
wanting, paint me with a deep
black-blue i love and hate
and barely push through.
Art: Moonflower, by Bo Olsen
give, hands, hate, heart, love, miss, missing, mouth, pain, poetry, sustain, take, wanting, writing
you only pass this way once:
crossing this one-way bridge
that sings out your dragon song,
that does not repeat.
they say if you’re not
growing you’re dying.
well, you’re dying anyway,
so you might as well grow
some thing. be at the
center of it, even in the
midst of the mess, the
pain, the loss; digging for
meaning. keep gathering:
like a quiet warrior,
the urge to give up,
the surge to not care.
keep finding some thing to love,
to pass on, to lift up, to bear.
Photographed structure “Home Away from Home” created by Katarzyna Borek and on display at the IX Art Park in Charlottesville, VA
art, bridge, center, dragon, dragonfly, fight, journey, life, love, once, photography, poetry, warrior, writing