i want to read you

i want to read you;

i want to feel your words

slip over me, pull me into

their tide, strip me down with

their waves without trying.

 

i want to listen to the music

of your thought, follow it

into the forest, happen upon

a leprechaun and wood spryte

making gold, making love.

 

i want the letting of all this

matter into energy; these

disguises to fall away, the

memories of mountain-tops

to sway in their return.

 

i want to deep-dive into a

painting of a thousand sun-

sets, moments spent think-

ing of you; of our writing, of

our meeting: one and the same.

from when you died

there are missing pages in my

diary from when you died.

 

it was not a time for growing

poetry; all the words went in-

 

to the eulogy—which made every

thing else seem meaningless: even

 

music felt foreign and wrong. i

questioned every thing—my job,

 

my place in the family, my space

in the world. all my energy went

 

into finding documents, finding

pictures, trying to find you in the

 

boxes and piles of audio cassettes,

ledgers, sewing kits, coffee mugs.

 

it wasn’t until much later that the

words began to knit together; they

 

were in my head all along—but

needed to be brought to cohesion.

 

there’s a reason this time remains in

my mind: it is a hunt, a meditation, a

 

docking station for the spirit. i must

remember the things that god can do.

 

i must remember that music is for

feeling, and poetry is for eating.

 

i must remember the empty pages

from when you died, with love.

 

 

 

 

 

i think i like a poem (that’s not for reading on a cell phone)

i think i like a poem

because it makes me slow

way down and be in the moment

and really take in the words, thoughts,

sounds. i think i like a poem that makes me

smile, cry, shake, blush, swing from the rafters.

i think i like a poem that’s the first poem in a new

house, fresh word paint spilling out onto the walls, floors,

ceilings. i think i like a poem that opens me up like a dream-

catcher wheel, spinning around and around until my deepest guts

are revealed and my heart is at the mercy of the meaning police vehicle

rolling through at over 44 mph, i think; i love; a poem; that makes no sense

to anyone but me--and maybe to those three who know who they are and who

keep me on my toes through the lovely pain-staking pains of staking these claims.

 

sink hole

what happens when something

finally sinks in, comes in behind the

eyes, down into the head, through the

throat, into the deep seat of the body?

 

where does it land? does it take the ship down

with it? we volley these words back and forth, back

and forth, but at the end of the exchange, they are still

just words; it can take lifetimes to truly unpack them:

 

god, religion, truth, beauty, spirit, art, gender, love — to let them find a

home, a dark shifting breathing sink hole that is slowly unseating the world.

forever

some words are too small:

daughter, mom,

 

boyfriend, blood.

some are too big,

 

especially early on:

god, love. we keep trying

 

to fit them on, but the glove

won’t succumb. it’s a

 

game of time played for-

ever and rarely won.

annealed

i was fired for the first time

on poem-in-your-pocket day;

 

or rather, let go—dropped, free-falling.

perhaps fired is better: lit up, burned,

 

refined. there is no paper in my

pocket, but there is always a poem;

 

and even on this day, i am

going to write myself out of

 

my misery-worry and ride that

sudden drop of uncertainty,

 

that guttural buzz of

—anything can happen next—

 

and it will. and it always does.

next year at this time, on poem-in-

 

your-pocket day, i’ll be in a brand

new place, filling up my brimming

 

pockets with brand new

words, words, words.

quietly ecstatic

when you wake, the film is
still over your eyes. do not rush to
wipe it away. before sleeping last night
you watched a fire-works show behind your
lids. the sparking center was a homing beacon.

now you are pseudo-awake and sitting with it.
the drip in the kitchen sink keeps you grounded.
the grit under your feet reminds you of being born.
the voices will keep coming, flowing into you, if you only
remain open. do not close; do not tidy up; do not cover yourself:

see yourself laughing, out among the stars.
watch yourself flying, honoring that primordial part.
you are setting the stage, setting the words and worlds a-
blaze. half of your active life is past. keep building, making
things that last. you did not think that it was possible to feel this full.