some nights the moon is a train

it takes me a while

to love things.

 

but then i am

loyally locked in.

 

the colonial blue

house holds the

 

key, but no door.

in the back-ground,

 

the long bow of the

cello sings up from

 

the depths. one floor up,

children grow in their

 

beds. dad used to tease

about putting us in a vice

 

overnight. i took his words

to heart: the dreams that

 

shortened me still follow—

strong shadows of

 

nails and hair; of things

that once lived, fighting

 

to weave them-selves

back in, back to life.

 

some nights the moon

is a train. i am boarding

 

her, i am carrying

alstroemerias, i am

 

smiling as the tiny

gear of a whisper

 

turns. the shrieking,

pulsing, turning to

 

blood is all in my

head; out-side, the

 

view is silent: a giant

wheel of compliance.

 

 

 

refuge

healing is always happening

in forgotten parts of the

body, like pockets of fog in a

forest that goes on forever.

 

in this sanctuary, the voices

persist, like wind: tucking you

into the places you resist. the

 

only things that are real are in-

visible; but you already know this—

 

and you are all in.

 

a few more meters

i have this dream

in which i kill every thing in the house:

the plants, the pets, the shadows.

 

i remain alive because i am outside the house,

 

outside myself, dictating death

to the weak and softening. i have been here before,

waxed inside this block of malice, shaking.

 

if every action starts with a thought, a seed –

i am growing a fucking garden.

 

i talk to myself in the early morning hours,

walk myself through the rituals:

washing, brushing, brewing, feeding.

 

eating has become so tiresome. if i could

just take one tiny pill and be done with it.

 

they say toward the end of a long run you get a sort of second wind,

a rushing of air, energy, purpose into your lungs, body, mind.

 

i’ve been running for a long time now; i’m starting to disbelieve in

second anything. maybe it’s like getting lost: if you had just gone

 

a few more meters you would have seen the sign.