while waiting for your phone call

as soon as you leave

i feel it:


the immense sadness,

the emptiness, the




it makes me wonder

why i’m here; what my


purpose is

outside of you;


outside of

bringing your life into




this house, this rent,

this uneaten food in the



as soon as i’m alone,

every thing is vast and open


and possible



beautifully vacant.


it makes me think

and want to create


and fill up the spaces

with music and dance and




this piano, these poems,

this uncooked



how can something be

so delicious and so alone—


electric in one moment,

and dead the next?


it’s a long, long road,

up through this fissure


into the dark hollow of



it’s the only way

to move and be moved;


it’s the only

way—up, up—


and it’s










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