2010: your utter limits

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the thing we don’t tell

our children is that

 

life gets harder as we get older;

 

that, despite the new and amazing and

mind-blowing things we discover,

 

life will push you to your utter limits.

 

how did this design come to be?

that our offspring witness our demise, and then their own?

 

that their friends die around them;

that their hearts are shredded before they even leave home?

 

i’m not asking for answers.

so keep your books shut.

 

i’m asking the questions that have no answers,

 

the questions that need to be asked

even as they fall open to infinity.

 

the year my marriage broke apart for the last time,

a piece of me died.

 

the year my dad died,

a piece of me died.

 

incidentally, it was the same year.

 

i will never be the same –

nor do i want to be.

 

that would mean this life isn’t happening.

to me.

 

this is my life.

 

a decade earlier, the moment my daughter was born,

a piece of me burst open and expanded

 

into something more beautiful and terrifying

than i ever imagined possible.

 

now i walk around with a new fear –

of losing her, of seeing her hurt, of knowing that

 

someday she will lose me.

 

this is our life: our collective

fears, loves, hopes, tragedies, dreams.

 

this is our ride: as we hold on,

hold each other, hold life

 

in our hands.

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