libellula: a poem from last decade comes calling

i found a dragonfly last week on the sidewalk:

yellow and black.

i only took it because it was dead; 

i only put it in a red cigar box beneath my bed,

and now i dream slip-knot dreams of water and wings, 

of dragons who defied their curse to become

queens of the insect world.

 

we are working ourselves inward

in a spiral of funnel mazes,

winding down to the center

where all the sediment collects;

where all the patterns intersect

more symmetrically than the human face.

 

‘you look so young,’ a woman tells me,

‘like you haven’t let life really touch you,

really put her hands on you.’

 

for the first time, this isn’t a compliment.

 

i tell her how at twenty-nine i just

contemplated stealing for the first time —

because i’m piss-poor,

because i can’t bring myself to ask for another loan,

and because i just got robbed —

and it seems like the next natural

step in the cycle of things.

 

after all, we keep repeating each other

in predetermined overlaps,

the great wheel turning and turning —

hand over hand, year over year —

 

as rivers get moved around, and mountains slouch,

and stars burn out, and some thing is born

out of an egg, out of a wasteland, out of a distant planet.

 

how did we get into this very conversation?

we are suddenly two pieces of wood rubbing together.

 

i try to explain that if i stop for too long,

and just think, and just breathe,

i may not be able to pick up one more day

to heave it up onto my shoulders.

 

a voice inside my head — i think it’s my mother’s — says:

‘why do you write so much about yourself? selfish, selfish.’

 

but it’s the one thing i’ve been given, mother;

it’s the one thing i think i know,

and even that comes into question at least once a day.

 

we move in wide angles one moment

and in narrow detours the next,

and the end result is a giant crop circle

signifying nothing but crushed grass and tired geometry.

 

but at least we are moving.

 

and at least a television can be quite useful, actually,

once un-plugged: a convex mirror, a plant stand,

something square to offset all the circles.

 

we lock arms and rock, back and forth, back and forth —

in the wind, in the sheddings, as our mothers push out

humanity one liquid cry at a time.

 

we are but one life, one chance at a touch,

one long hallway of doors — of green, of silver, of hush.

 

a fish caught, and then released.

 

all the islands of the world pieced back

together into this great continental puzzle.

libellula

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2 thoughts on “libellula: a poem from last decade comes calling

  1. jupiterbeings says:

    Inspired! Thanks.

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